Saturday, December 31, 2005
suddenly feel down. ridiculously down. i have no idea why and how. tis suck. totally suck. it's not like im undergoing menopause now to experience such mood swings. im too young for tt either. besides, menopause oso allows one to undergo sudden high or happy times, isn't it? but i don. arghs. tis suck. it's NYE..and im stuck at home, blogging. how great is it. but thankfully, im meeting jieyi in less than an hr's time. at least i can get away from the loneliness im experiencing. i kept psycho-ing myself tt everything's fine. but to no avail. it doesn't work for me. im cynical bout life now. yucks. i hate disappointment. it's been 2 days. today's the third. yet im still feeling sore bout it. u realli hit me hard tis time. the wound is still open..sore and painful. it's gonna take a long time to heal. and yet my soul mate isn't here for me. i dunno wat happen to my soul mate. probably lost in his own world of problems, trying to seek solace somewhere. jus like the situation im in right now. i dun blame him. we all have the plunges of life. it's like alcohol. the highs and the lows. but this realli suck. sheesh.
1:18 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Thursday, December 29, 2005
okay. i feel terrible. terribly upset. tok bout disappointment huh. pig mummy told me something today. and it hit me. really hard. it didnt come to me as a surprise. but u noe..tt disappointment one gets when u hear tt ur fren is actually doing such stuff. something u hated. it's not like im not gonna tok to him again jus because he smokes. but hey come on la. dun tell me u smoke cos u wanna de-stress. den can i cut my wrist each time i feel stress? logical anot? it's absurd la huh. i jus felt realli disappointed. and wat's more.. u seemed to be avoiding me more and more. i dunno. tis kinda heartbroken feeling is one i nv experience before..for a guy. im serious. i noe nothing will prob come out of it. but it's like heartbroken. i hate tis feeling.
pig mummy says u probably dunno how i feel for u..but even i do feel anything for me, u'd prob initiate something. but i dun see tt..oh yar..u initiate something. avoidance. ur ignorance makes me feel like calling u and screaming into the fone. or probably give u a few punches in the stomach. ahhs. i dun like tis lo. really. a while u'd be like so sweet, another, u'd be so cold. one part of me yearn to noe how u felt, yet the other part of me doesn't one, for fear of rejection. i understand i can't force things. but feelings aren't something controllable right? i guess pig mummy's right. i should divert attention to someone else like dino..but how can i? someone tell me. being oblivious to ur presence? i can't do tt. can anyone help me. save me from falling into tis trap. or maybe..i've alrd fallen into it long ago...
10:50 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Sunday, December 25, 2005
woos. merry christmas! it's christmas day today..went to church in the morning..and as usual, i was late. hehs. den went to city hall wit michh and kling..shopping! bought clothes from FOX company..hahas..happy happy. den euphe mummy and wai met us. had lunch at NYDC. oh gosh. ate till im full man. drank tis drink called new york something..forgot the name. quite nice and cool drink..hahas..we wanted to eat mudpies but everyone is so full tillwe didnt wanna eat..oh well..good lunch tho'..talking, joking, laming ard and jus chill out. the way wai irritates and annoy euphe is so funny and entertaining can..damn funny. *giggles* wanted to watch movie too but mich gotta go meet steve and chuck..so yar..after lunch..more shopping..euphe and kling bought me a pouch from Xcessories..seashell pouch..like it alot! yupps..so jus shop shop shop. spend quite alot these 2 days..buying presents for my family and friends but im still undone wit x'mas prezzies from jieyi they all..die ahh..
but the cab ride home is quite enjoyable..the cab driver was entertaining and friendly..so yar. enjoyed it unlike tis cab driver we met tis afternoon..so rude and crude! oh well. town's real packed these 2 days..beri packed..and tis crazy guy..some stranger actually sprayed those white "snow-like" stuff all over us..total madness las..dun even noe him. hmm..
okie dokie. tiredd yet fruitful sunday. happy today..good mood too. hahas. okies. got nothing else to blog about. sooo....im off! *all i wan for christmas is YOU!!!*
10:03 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Monday, December 19, 2005
Im happy happy happy. Cos I finally see him. he's back! This time for a longer time..if only it's for good. Went to church in the morning, den went out for lunch wit Amanda before meeting up wit them. Sat 2 rows directly behind him during service. I dunno if he noes but I definitely feel awkward. Hey! where's tt 2 good frens a few yrs ago. Wat happened? I seriously wondered y things changed without warning. Not tt we are enemies now..we are not and will never be. But tt closeness is now replaced wit an unspeakable awkwardness. The ppl ard us prob felt it too..cos we are one so close..now?
we said hi to each other..I said hi too but he didn;t hear it. I only knew it after we parted..Mich told me he said I dao him..he said i didn't say hi back. He said I offered food to everyone except him..and he's sad? The last sentence I dunno is he said it himself or wat las. But I did say hi! And im sad cos things didn’t exactly went smoothly. We went to marche..and im sad cos I didn't tok to him..i didn't noe wat to say nor do I have the chance to at least ask "how's life?". I wanna tok to him..like at least make things not so awkward..but I dun have the chance. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough? Who would believed we were once beri close frens?!? I doubt anyone would. I am happy tt he's back..really happy. And many memories flood back..maybe it's a one sided thinking. I used to like him..and now tt he's back, even tho' im happy, I told myself, nah..nothing will happen..everything will remain the same. But now tt I heard tt he'll back for some time..for army, I thot.."will something happen?" I dunno. it's prob a wishful and one-sided thinking of mine..but I feel all tt confused thots in me..who can I tell this to? Definitely not him. I dun even wanna voice out for fear of embarrassing myself.
Jus now when steve said I mus be beri happy now tt he's back, yes I do! I am! I wanted to say. But cannot..tt guy will definitely make fun of me. Wat am I to do now? Things aren't the same now..no longer the same. Wat can I do to make up for all the lost time of this frenship? I doubt things will return to before but I hope it can at least get better. The question whether will something happen is another issue. I hoped..but I dun wan it to be a one-sided thingy. I wanna noe wat he thinks..but I dun really have the chance unless I create one which will be difficult. christmas's coming..and I have one wish. Is for things to get better and maybe if fate permits, let something good happen btwn us. Will Santa grant my one and only wish? *all I wan for Christmas is YOU!*
12:27 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
Friday, December 16, 2005
jus finished watching "rainbow connection". ahhhh! im so sad. i dun like the ending! not at all. arghs..i dun like this kinda ending. not nice not nice. sheesh. yucks! hrumfp!okay fine. can't really do anything can i? went out today..with my girls. to kbox. as usual...i dun sing much. after tt went to town. and guess which part did i go to first? Far east! oh man.. bought a white watch today..adidas..from city chain. sorta happy cos wanted tt long ago. yar. but after watching tt show..errs! my mood went downnnnn...too emotional by..over a show. sigh. now..after my job ended..feel abit weird eh..no longer do i need wake up early, take mrt den change to tt packed n squeezed bus 15..weird weird...how should i spend the rest of my hols eh?i shall do a good planning...before time runs out and school starts again..
10:14 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Thursday, December 15, 2005
it's 4.27pm now. last day of work at IBM. but i didnt do anything for the day yet. as in anything BIG. hahas. went to macs for lunch..wit joanna they all too. and i thot i lost my pass. in the end...i left it on my table! how careless las. now i owe lynn 2 "long" of xiao long bao. sheesh...$8 per "long" leh...oh man..hahas..eat till she stay away from "teng tai feng" for some time ah. last day of work..hmmm..not beri sad..sorta glad dun needa travel so far alrd..but will definitely miss the place las..cos quite a nice environment. maybe next time can come here to do temp again..heh hehs. not a bad choice. perm den it's a no-no for me. not my kinda job. Bye IBM. Bye 3G foodcourt. Bye smelly goofcourt smell. Bye Everyone there. hahas.
im so tiredd now. feel like sleeping..sleeping sleeping. slept quite late last nite..after doing my white-grape maskl..heh. not much of a help tho'. oh yar. we went to phin's steak house yesterday. 8 of us only..me, lynn, jasmine, meixiu, angela, apple, kelvin and weiliang. everyone should actually be eating steak in a steak house but 7 of us eat fish. hahas..den we went to "kia-kia" abit..den went home. yupps. tt's abt it. now..im waiting for PL to give us work..if not when 5.30 comes den go home! yeah yeah!
tml will be a day out for me. going kbox wit jieyi, sz n char. my girls! not beri worth it for me cos i seldom sing. the fact is i can't sing :( yar..but nvms..den i'll meet jas to get my watch! yeah yeah! finally! okies..quite a long post for today..shall stop here and continue another tym. till den..im off~
4:24 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
im late today. cos wasn't feeling beri well. was thinking whether to come to work when i remembered i have compilation undone. and i cannot PS lynn. so i came. blame it on myself for not feeling good. last nite, was feeling sorta down when i went home, went to lot one to return vcds, and for ppl who dunno my weird habit when i feel down, i tend to eat and eat and eat. went to buy bread, fries, sweet talk..blah. and instead of taking LRT or bus home, i walked home. blast my mp3. after i reached home, changed into my home clothes and took dinner. den i ate ice-cream. bad habit of me isn't it. tt's y my tummy will upset. *churn churn churn* feeling. this morning woke up wit my tummy feeling beri upset. yar. and skipped break because of tt..now gastric pain. think i brought it upon myself...)):
8:52 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
Monday, December 12, 2005
here am i again. slacking. heh hehs. waiting for the rest to finish their work to finish my compilation job for BOP sep. am in the mist of finding a new blog skin..but i can't find one nice and simple one. sigh. how fast time passes. this thurs will be our last day at work. couldn't wait to end this job, not tt i dislike the place or the ppl here. actual fact is i love both! the only thing tt i made me dread coming here is how early i have to wake up each morning. can't really bear to part wit the frens i made here tho' the time we gotta noe each other is jus a mere short 3 weeks. hahas.. but yet i oso can't wait to get my pay..hopefully tt slow and inefficient agency hurry give us our pay..so tt i can spend a happy x'mas..yeah yeah...it's officially 5.30. but i gotta wait for the rest to finish their work. okies. i shall go over to angela's and disturb her. hehs ((:
5:26 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Monday, December 05, 2005
*ouch ouch* my neck's feeling painful n stiff now. all thanks to my sleeping position last nite..now im landed in this state..can't turn my neck..and i've gotta work. oh mans. tiredd tiredd..okays.. i shall bear wit tis for the mean while because, i've got a lao po bing from angela..she bought lotsa local products from m'sia...we've got "kou-fu" alrd..hehs..yumms. im feeling like a panda alrd..wit those dark rings ard my eyes. lack of sleep. not good. but nvms...for the sake of my pay, i'll sacrifice it for the time-being. after i end ths job, i swear i'll slp 15 hrs straight! okays i've gotta get to work again..tata~
8:44 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
Saturday, December 03, 2005
im here in office..on a saturday. on mans..can u believe it? mel's working on sat..to finish her work. unbelievable eh. hahas. but gottas finish them up las..still got lotsa work to do. jus finish the bop-uplift for july(accounts stuff)...yeah..went to tampiness mall jus now..for lunch wit colleagues, poo leng and joanna..had lunch at cafe cartel..woohs..so full after lunch tt i feel like sleeping. nice nice..hahas. now..after i finish my work, i dunno wat to do next..wait los..prob going out later. either wit lynn to catch zathura or wit weiliang n john to buy prom clothes..yupps. im off...before supervisor catches me..haahs =D
3:40 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Friday, December 02, 2005
waiting for everyone to finish their work now...to go lunch. im hungry. but im sorta irritated too..by somebody's reactions. realli. im irritated. makes me lose my concentration, n i'll keep dwelling on tt issue...and ruin my mood. arghs. i hope things get better...
12:37 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
