Wednesday, August 30, 2006
gosh.
today's probably one of the day filled with many surprises! totally out of expectation!
met up wit karlo and guess what, he handed me this sunflower and said, "for you." man. i was surprised! really surprised. i mean who would have thot that he'd give me a sunflower on our last meeting before he leave. and it's real somemore. i think i'll probably be quite sad when it withers and die. he's probably the first guy who actually remembers that i love sunflowers. isn't that sweet?
and that's not the end of it all. went to New York New York for lunch. really big hearty meal. i like the ambience in new york new york. gives me that really cosy feeling. and the people that are so friendly. got free green apple cotton candy from them too. the waiter just came up and handed to sticks of cotton candies to us. cool isn't it? and just as we were about to leave, karlo took out a box of cake from secret recipe. i was like "what! are you serious?" he said it was meant to be my belated birthday cake. gosh. won't this little gesture make any girl smile? and it's chocolate cake. really riched. man. 2 surprises already.
the last one was at candy empire. he actually bought me chcolates can. i thot it was for himself but it wasn't. he didnt even buy anything for himself. enough chocolates to sweeten my day up can. gosh. how can anyone be so sweet right. and so gentlemanly. aiyo. singapore guys, must learn more ah. ohh ohh. took some pictures too. i think i'm demanding. i simply refused to let him take any pictures of me. hah. i'm camera-shy. anws, will upload another time. i'm kinda sad because my friend's leaving. someone who's so nice and sweet. someone whom i can really talk to. argh. i hate partings. they make me sad. sigh. but what to do? all i can say is goodbye and take care right.
so Karlo, here's something to you.
really good time today. everything was just out of expectation.
thanks for everything lobster. for every single little thing. singapore will miss you, mel will miss you too :) and yeh. don't forget to take something for me eh. take care! i'll see you next summer, my friend! "kom ba wa"(Thank You!)
11:43 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Sunday, August 27, 2006
ever been in a situation when you just feel like having a good cry? things aren't getting any easier for you. school or personal life. you feel that you can just breakdown any time. yahh. perhaps, you might wake up one day, thinking it's time for dinner but no dinner at home yet. so you sat down, decided to study but unknowingly, tears just well up in your eyes. and before long, you just started crying, uncontrollably. this is kind of weird right? but trust me. everyone goes thru this. crying helps to de-stress. sometimes, not even chocolates can cure heartache. believe me. but crying does. so anyone who feels like crying today, just cry. mel understands :) and remember to not bottle everything to yourself. it can suffocate you. let everything out! you'll feel good :)
9:40 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Monday, August 21, 2006
ahh. this is getting really depressing. man. i need to talk to someone.
time is never enough. it's never on my side. especially when i need it. darn. missed service this morning. overslept. felt rather bad for missing it. i just can't seem to be ablt to wake up on time these days. and insufficient can kill me. i get irritated and restless easily. these days, everything just seemed to be topsy turvy. i can be really focused, into my studies and another moment, i am just day-dreaming, letting my mind wander off to who knoes where. just like now, when i'm supposed to be mugging, i'm actually blogging. this is just so shitty. how can i divert all my attention and set my priorites right???
i realised my recent posts have been on the down side. just so depressing. and today's sunday. another week gone, just like that. i need to stop thinking about useless stuff. chuck them away man. these stuff are bugging me till i think i should settle them but i have no energy to do them. not now. i just need to focus focus focus! seeing the number on the countdown board in sch decreasing each day just make me panic. state of panic. i need to be mug. focus mel!
12:08 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
Sunday, August 20, 2006
state of depression.
desperation overwhelms me.
pressure, stress, expectations weigh me down.
i want to cry. i have to cry. to let it all out. but no tears. it just ran out.
sometimes, i wonder to myself, how long more?
how long more will this kind of life continues.
i regret not studying harder in yr 1. now i'm struggling. just doing a math paper can make me wanna cry. A'levels is technically 74 days a way. and i still don't feel prepared. tons and tons of work just piled on me. never-ending. find myself feeling so tired everyday. the no of hours of sleep just become shorter. from the 10 hrs of sleep in secondary sch to just 5 hrs now. sometimes shorter. cannot concentrate, wanna sleep more, yet there's no time to waste on sleeping.
i know ppl have high expectations on me, esp my family. and i don't wanna let them down. alrd felt very guilty towards them. esp my dad. the amount of tuition fees i pay every month is just too much. i really don't wanna let all the money spent to be wasted. hard earned money. i know i have to do well. i must do well. but it's so tiring. everything will come to an end in approx 90 days time. i must persevere and endure for i have no choice. i cannot back out. it has always been my dream to do well. i looked into the future. i dream big. i have to go this way to get what i dream for. there is no short-cuts in life. i can only work my way towards success through hard work.
it's hard, i know. all the prep talks, inspiration talks with great ppl, advice from seniors and tchers. i listened and pondered. they are all good advice. but there's one thing missing. motivation and encouragment.
appearing nonchalant is my forte. but deep-down, i cared and i mind. many things happened and still are happening. things just seemed to be hanging there. nobody's willing to do something. just like how i dislike being the active one. i thought i shall remain passive too. i guess i'm not the kind who would let go easily. that's why such issues weigh me down. keeps me thinking. studies and this, enough just drive me to depression. so i'm letting go. letting things be the way it is. maybe this is the best way that i should do but didnt do. maybe things will become better, i hope.
sometimes, the way people react just amaze me. like me, they can act so nonchalant but yet deep down, no one knows what they are thinking. they just send you numerous ????s. sometimes i'm just at a loss. should i do something? should i not? it's not that i'm not willing but i just dunno how to. i want to but have no idea how. so i think probably letting go is the best. letting nature takes its course is the only way out. i know i should have done this 3 yrs ago. i'm just sturborn. but now i know what's the right thing to do. so i'm doing it now...
1:52 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
12:56 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
12:18 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
12:16 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
12:12 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
12:08 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
12:06 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
Saturday, August 19, 2006
new pictures! enjoy :)
11:16 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Sunday, August 13, 2006
i'm home! home sweet home :)
fun weekend indeed. met up wit YF peeps last night for steamboat dinner. hmm..the dinner wasn't exactly nice. the company was nice and all, just didnt like the food there. probably cos i havent been to the past of the steamboat place before? quite hot and stuffy inside. and mish was up and down, up and down, taking food for everyone. haha. it's so funny to see marc and wai "ordering" her. "mish, i want meat. mish, i want bla bla.." entertaining can. and oh yeah, that hilarious look on steve's face when he cooks.. tt frown he had on his face. interesting facial expression huh. man, it's sooo funny. me and pearl was laughing like crazy la.
talking about facial expressions.. nobody can beat marc. serious! ooh..we took lots of pictures too! the girls were like posing and snap snap snap. will upload the fotos up soon. feeling lazy now. like i always do. we saw the fireworks!!! so beautiful!! and romantic of cos. wanna see it again next year. up-close. oh yah. and yeo came to meet us. waited sooo long and we just yada yada yada..crap crap crap past midnight? just put the guys in one corner and they'll start talking bout army happenings. and those are interesting can. but the food rations. hmm..not so interesting. i like the dessert tho. i think it's called some bo bo something la. i like :)
then went to mish's hse to sleepover. i'm happy happy happy. i like such times. just like the good old times. but things change and people move on. so we should not remain stagnant yahh? yupp!
i was supposed to go home and study after church today but i guess, temptations just make it hard for me to resist. went to the zoo. and saw many many monkeys..my frens hah. took some pictures too..didnt stay long too..so i wanna go again. anyone wanna go with me? we can go take pictures with the red-butt monkeys. man. they looked as if they've got a tumour on their butt. no joke bout it. haha. but anws, today's was free admission to the zoo since aunty yvonne have got the membership card :) so it's not so much of a pity so spend such a short time there.
and now i really feel guilty for not studying for the weekend. and here am i still blogging. bad child. i shall be good from this minute, mug like a geek and look forward to sat!! because, there'll be another BBQ prob at wai's place. more fun time together, more fotos to be taken! yeah. that shall be the motivation of the week man. okay. so i'm off to mug :)
"things change, people moved on but some stuff won't change right?"
10:03 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
