Monday, December 19, 2005
Im happy happy happy. Cos I finally see him. he's back! This time for a longer time..if only it's for good. Went to church in the morning, den went out for lunch wit Amanda before meeting up wit them. Sat 2 rows directly behind him during service. I dunno if he noes but I definitely feel awkward. Hey! where's tt 2 good frens a few yrs ago. Wat happened? I seriously wondered y things changed without warning. Not tt we are enemies now..we are not and will never be. But tt closeness is now replaced wit an unspeakable awkwardness. The ppl ard us prob felt it too..cos we are one so close..now?
we said hi to each other..I said hi too but he didn;t hear it. I only knew it after we parted..Mich told me he said I dao him..he said i didn't say hi back. He said I offered food to everyone except him..and he's sad? The last sentence I dunno is he said it himself or wat las. But I did say hi! And im sad cos things didn’t exactly went smoothly. We went to marche..and im sad cos I didn't tok to him..i didn't noe wat to say nor do I have the chance to at least ask "how's life?". I wanna tok to him..like at least make things not so awkward..but I dun have the chance. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough? Who would believed we were once beri close frens?!? I doubt anyone would. I am happy tt he's back..really happy. And many memories flood back..maybe it's a one sided thinking. I used to like him..and now tt he's back, even tho' im happy, I told myself, nah..nothing will happen..everything will remain the same. But now tt I heard tt he'll back for some time..for army, I thot.."will something happen?" I dunno. it's prob a wishful and one-sided thinking of mine..but I feel all tt confused thots in me..who can I tell this to? Definitely not him. I dun even wanna voice out for fear of embarrassing myself.
Jus now when steve said I mus be beri happy now tt he's back, yes I do! I am! I wanted to say. But cannot..tt guy will definitely make fun of me. Wat am I to do now? Things aren't the same now..no longer the same. Wat can I do to make up for all the lost time of this frenship? I doubt things will return to before but I hope it can at least get better. The question whether will something happen is another issue. I hoped..but I dun wan it to be a one-sided thingy. I wanna noe wat he thinks..but I dun really have the chance unless I create one which will be difficult. christmas's coming..and I have one wish. Is for things to get better and maybe if fate permits, let something good happen btwn us. Will Santa grant my one and only wish? *all I wan for Christmas is YOU!*
12:27 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
