Tuesday, February 27, 2007
it's coming! it's coming! YES, THE day IS COMINGGG!
urgh. sweat sweat. can't believe it.
it's happening way to fast. A's just seemed to be yesterday's business. man. this is torturing to the mind. to think that it's just this friday. yes, this coming friday. weird in some sense that this week just seemed to pass kinda faster than the others. why must it be liddat? i'm dreading the moment that's to come. i'm worried. stressed. and seriously freaking out. i pray hard that everything will be fine. God, pls bless me with good results. pls. pls. pls. hmm. i guess that will be everyone's plea and prayer to God for these few days.
man. why must they put us thru this mental torture huh huh huh? first, PSLE then it's O'levels, now, finally A'levels. having gone thru these 3 major hurdles during our teenage yrs in life is enough to make white hair grow. wrinkles too, maybe. but despite all that whining and sighing, i guess the only thing i can do is to pray hard. all i need is good results to at least make it into the faculty i want in NTU at least. that's my one and only plea. afterall, everything is kinda determined already, ending with a full-stop already. so take a deep breath and start counting down!!
on a lighter note, shall update on my past week then. caught 2 movies, Protege with lou and Norbit with kris, zg, jas & lynn. Norbit is so so so lame. very lame. but kinda funny tho. Protege is the one man. NICE. definitely wouldn't mind watching it again. and let me do an annoucement for Miss Melissa Lou Shun Jia. she bought this pair of shoes for $149. real leather. it's rather expensive huh for a pair of pumps. but korean cow leather..it's air-beef.. haha. it's still a much better buy than that not-so-nice NUM bag. lou ah lou, spent so much money recently huh..tsk tsk. you can really splurge la =X
also, have been attending dance classes at studio wu recently..fun ((: to think that we actually went to the wrong class on the first day. it's a beginner's advanced class somemore. 5 blur girls with no background..ended up looking like circus monkeys dancing. we didn't even realised it until the next day. hah. but it's really fun. who knows, we might end up taking up salsa and sort. hah. stay tune man!
urgh. repetitive thoughts of A's results kept recurring in my mind. it's so depressing even to imagine what it's gonna be like. i think i should just end here. afterall, most A's students' blog will probably have similar entries like mine. so lets not bore the readers. urgh. to end, a picture of me and my bestest mate...
i'm bringin' sexyback...
8:31 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Saturday, February 24, 2007
a thought suddenly struck me.
i want someone who is willing to take me on walks and share the other half of my oreo cookie with me.
haha. weird thought actually. but i think quite realistic what. someone who is willing and eager to share my life with me. and of course, his with me.
some times it's not bad being single. freedom and all. but at other times, when you see your friends with their partners and repetitive thoughts knock at the door in my mind and say, "hmm, a partner to share your everything isn't bad at all! Go find one!" you'll complain about being single. lonely. hah. whenever i whine about not having a boyfriend, marc's words never fails to make me happier.."cupid is saving the best for the last". but not easy to find la. Now, i'm just a happy girl with my family and friends. content. so i shall wait wait wait :))
7:37 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Friday, February 23, 2007
Do you know what you get when you provoke a sick and angry person?be smart and DON'T try. especially when that person is me. i can be really nasty and i kid you NOT!ROAR! i'm super pissed off now. very. totally. really to explode anytime kind of pissed off! urgh. i need an avenue to vent my anger. workload is crazy. the amount of work i have on hand is one thing, those demanding and unreasonable customers is another. they really drive me mad. hopping mad. serious! don't they know that their company ain't the only one in the whole world. and what god sake, i DO NOT work 24/7. and i'm only a temp. what the freak la. we have like 100 odd mails to read everyday and we are not servicing only one company. you think your company is SO great? NAH-UH! you are so wrong. really feel like smacking their face!urgh. when there is no work, i stare at the computer for hours, falling asleep sometimes. but so not the case for this week. so many ppl on leave, what go back to indo, go back to m'sia...and everyone at work has to do more than what is expected of them. for me? 3 person's work. wth. GB, sandy & uncle lee. sandy's work is enough to make me work like hell. i really don't mind helping them with their work because i know they are busier than me. and besides, they have been really nice to me since i start this job. so no matter how much they give me, i'll do, with no complaints.but those freaking disgusting customers, complain and complain. eh hello! you expect quality service, we try to give you. but don't be too much okay! and it's not like i undergo any kind of training, i only know the basic quotation and order. this stupid customer, lady somemore, so demanding. Thank God i'm not the one talking to her on the phone. i'll definitely scream at her la. bloody ass. replied her quotation alrd then tell me price wrong. wth la. your acct manager didnt inform you of the increase in price, my problem ah. nvm. change price alrd, then want me to quote another 2 ports for you. eh! i'm not so free la. still expect me to reply by today. madness. of course, we try to provide fast and efficient service, but how efficient do you expect of a sick person. kuku nathan man.roars. really pissed off. already so much work still wanna complain. you think your company very big ah. seriously, i pity those colleagues of mine who worked till wee hours la. esp GB, everyday work till midnight kind. without fail. already try our best, without rest, continuously working, still not enough. still expect more. wait long long la. so poor thing, my colleagues. already so much work on hand, currently already shorthanded, yet those disguesting customers keep demanding this and that. stupid. but frankly speaking, the location of the company isn't attractive at all. lucky, i'm also a temp. without a car, i wouldn't even wanna work there. i guess that's one of the reason why they are lack of staff now. temp staff alot but perm staff, awhile on leave, awhile maternity..blah..really short-handed. besides, there are not free to teach me and jieyi some of the impt things for fear that we make serious mistakes. so sometimes we have no work at all, not because everyone's free but because, they don't dare to let us do. sigh. work is really tiring, esp when the day turns out to be like today. so busy, no time to stop, can't even finish my lunch (half done in the end). but i guess after today, i shall just forget bout it. besides, i won't even get to see those stupid customers in my life and my other colleagues are so much busier than me. all i can say is Thank God it's Friday. at least sandy's coming back to work on monday. so AH ZHA AH ZHA, FIGHTING, mel. one more month and this job will end. so bear with it, for the sake of my nice colleagues..i will.
6:44 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Monday, February 19, 2007
Here's some random pictures. unglam pictures of Ms Cherry. lols. Ooh. Happy New Year, my dear readers ((: Snorts.
9:46 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
"When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight, it ends tonight."
I shall not procrastinate any further. i give up.
10:14 AM
...Save your last dance for me...
Monday, February 12, 2007
urm. monday! monday blues.
i'm so tiredd. slept at 8 last night sacrificing dinner for longer hours of sleep but yet, i woke up still feeling tired today. urghs. i need longer hours of beauty sleep! i really do! ever since work started, it has been back to the usual routine of waking up at 6.30. it's simply too dreadful la. back in pj, waking up at 6.30 and slping at midnight is like no kick to me. i'll still manage to be alive and kicking the next day, eyes big big still. but now, i sleep at 10 and wake up at 7, but i still feel tired. why is this so man???
i miss sch. mugging in the library until 7 plus 9, sitting at the canteen, looking at eye-candies..etc etc. life was good. even tho' j2 means study study study. but somehow, i realized time passed by really fast. results are releasing soon. somehow, i dread it even more after the NTU talk ystd. i'm not confident. seriously, i'm not. not when there us so much competition for my year. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. pls.
anws, updates for the week.
thurs 09-02-07:
Felly's bday celebration at NY-NY. company was great. just catching up with each other makes my mind wander back to the life in pj that we used to have. and i'm so glad for mag, who's "embarking" on her journey of love soon. ahah. finally you did our clique proud. the only one who has got herself a date on V.day. it's left with the 4 of us now. boo hoo.
Friday 10-02-07:
Half day off with jieyi. went shopping with girl-friend. crazy shopping trip man. was so tired at the end of the day. and stupid cabs are never around when i need one. darn.
Sat 11-02-07:
Supposedly going back to sch with lynn but overslept and didnt go back in the end. more shopping with lynn and lou. we fell in love with the stuff at River Island. they had a modeling show on too. my goodness! the models are good-looking!! i actually wondered to myself why we are all humans but yet so different. aiyo. so unfair.
anws, it was vivo and bugis. finally got most of my cny stuff. spent alot. felt so guilty now. we saw this guy from some variety show on tv..campus superstar i think. good-looking. jas went crazy over him las. but the really crazy ones were me and lynn. we kinda played a stalking game. so lame and ridiculous. but funny! ahah. and he's younger than us la! my word =P
owels. that's my weekend. ended with ntu talk at suntec and me sleeping at 8. urgh. i forgot to hand in my timesheet. which means i'm gonna be so broke. darn darn darn. nvms, cny's just down the week! can't wait. those who are married, red-packets pls! ((: i love cny! ahaha.
**pictures taken will be up soon. stay tune ((:
9:40 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
More pictures from "Uniform Showdown".
We are a bunch of cam-whorers i know.
many unglam shots for entertainment ((:
8:30 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
7:53 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
They'll never understand that fear in me. that fear that makes me tremble whenever i think of my results. it's drawing near each day. that BIG day when all of us have to face eventually. that fear and worry that increases day by day, becoming stronger after that cock-up academic system of ours announced that O's results is releasing this friday. it's not really cock-up la. just more of a system that pressurize its people like crazy. making us worry whole day for that slip of paper. that paper that worth a lot. making youngsters like us believing that everything in this society talks about qualification. when in actual fact, it's more of capablity than qualification. so what if you have Masters, PHDs, or whatever shit, you don't have the capability, you'll die in the working society.
and here we are living in an environment where it's a "survival for the fittest" kind of case. fast paced society, competing with one another. dumbness. even i, myself is one of the competitors. competing for a place in uni, in future, a position in a company, blah... actually, have you ever wondered to yourself, of the many years you've lived in this universe, which year did you live worry-less or stress-less? i guess probably when ya still a child. carefree as a bird. by the time you start sch, you start to worry. and your stress level increases each year. hah. one day, it'll all go "chi-ba-boom"! *teh-teh* highest stress level reached! *warning warning*
but that's life huh. simply can't comprehend it some times. too complicated for my own good. remembered once when kar wai asked me this "eh..did you ever wonder why you study so much"..good question? definitely. i bet everyone asked themselves at least once before. we ended up cursing the system, scolding them like never before. damn funny. lol. we were both kinda emo and fed-up with the system. who doesn't? speaking of which, i rem me and lynn having experiences with firms only hiring ppl from "prestigious" schools. hrump. i didn't know you need to be "branded" to work as a temp. how dumb is that.
owels. some times it gets so unfair that i thought, to hell with it. don't care so much already. just do my best and let God do the rest ((: i bet marc's level of stress is increasing each day. hah. no worries brudder, you'll do well!! after him, it'll be my turn. urgh!!
Actually, i know there's nothing to worry about now, papers over, marked and probably on the way back to this country. but damn. who doesn't worry? that kind of worry ain't comparable to worrying if you'll pass a class test or a sch exam. it's totally INCOMPARABLE! and i thot O's was scary. this is like double the fear. triple maybe!
don't ask me the "what ifs" questions. because they DON'T exist. they SHOULDN'T exist. and they WON'T happen! damn damn damn. i'm kinda dreading that day. i guess many of us are. urgh. that fear that grips me so tightly is tormenting. people in office tells me i'll do well, so don't worrie because i look like a bookworm. hah. i look like a bookworm? don't think so ((: but i definitely hope what that uncle in office said bout me getting good results is true. ah. i'm praying really hard. pls be over soon. get over and done with. seriously. all i hope is a place in uni. as simple as that.
now, my only prayer is that God will help me get pass this hurdle in life and then most of the big hurdles will be over. PLEASE!!!
7:16 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
Sunday, February 04, 2007
From the day i made that decision to stop everything and let go, i knew it's gonna be hard. hard to let go, hard to give up. as much as i want to have a fresh start, it's nv easy. that day when i finally decided to let go, i thought to myself, "yes i can do it". i thought what pearl said is true. i thought what she said really applies to me. that i'm seriously living in denial. but now, i'm in doubt of that. maybe i'm not living in denial. maybe what i have been feeling all these while has been true. maybe it has never changed at all.
maybe i'm really into it. maybe i've already fallen deep. but the hope which i've been grasping on tightly is no longer there. it's no longer true to me. because i know, from the day i start, there will never be the day when i can rely on this bit of hope to live on. because i know all along that it will never come true...
After holding on for that bit of hope for so many yrs, i know i've already got past the stage when i'm still lying to myself that one day, it'll all be true. no, it's over. over from the day i say, "stop! it's enough, mel!". it's difficult to let go. what i learnt became a real experience for me. just like what i told marc, "To accept, you must first learn to let go." letting go is never easy. it's tough. it's tiring. it drives you crazy. it makes you cry like you never cry before. but once you get pass this stage, you learn and you mature.
one thing for sure, the feelings are true. i'm not living in denial.
even though i've made the decision to let go, from that day till now, i have yet to learn to let go. i'm still trying to overcome this hurdle. it's hard but i know i make it. it's so hard because, the feelings have never been so true. i have to make it, so that things can remain as it is. so that everything remains status quo. so that i don't make things difficult for anyone. so that at least i can keep what i have now and not lose them to fate.
and so, i need more time to get pass this stage. i'd be lying if i say, "yes, i've finally let go." but there will be this day. people reading this, don't worry. mel's not sad or feeling blue bout anything. i've been happy recently. in a good mood almost everyday. to the extend, i go crazy and started singing songs. it's just that besides being happy, there are times when i'd pause and think bout this. i like things the way it is now, the way i'm living my life happily each day. even tho' that bit of hope might never be true one day and make me the happiest woman in this whole world, i know at least what i have now equals to ETERNITY. so cheers ((:
9:20 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
8:24 PM
...Save your last dance for me...
i'm bringin' sexyback...
Marc in bliss =P
Steve's other side. *raised eyebrows*
talk to my butt! you ass!
TOOTS ((:
