Wednesday, February 07, 2007
They'll never understand that fear in me. that fear that makes me tremble whenever i think of my results. it's drawing near each day. that BIG day when all of us have to face eventually. that fear and worry that increases day by day, becoming stronger after that cock-up academic system of ours announced that O's results is releasing this friday. it's not really cock-up la. just more of a system that pressurize its people like crazy. making us worry whole day for that slip of paper. that paper that worth a lot. making youngsters like us believing that everything in this society talks about qualification. when in actual fact, it's more of capablity than qualification. so what if you have Masters, PHDs, or whatever shit, you don't have the capability, you'll die in the working society.
and here we are living in an environment where it's a "survival for the fittest" kind of case. fast paced society, competing with one another. dumbness. even i, myself is one of the competitors. competing for a place in uni, in future, a position in a company, blah... actually, have you ever wondered to yourself, of the many years you've lived in this universe, which year did you live worry-less or stress-less? i guess probably when ya still a child. carefree as a bird. by the time you start sch, you start to worry. and your stress level increases each year. hah. one day, it'll all go "chi-ba-boom"! *teh-teh* highest stress level reached! *warning warning*
but that's life huh. simply can't comprehend it some times. too complicated for my own good. remembered once when kar wai asked me this "eh..did you ever wonder why you study so much"..good question? definitely. i bet everyone asked themselves at least once before. we ended up cursing the system, scolding them like never before. damn funny. lol. we were both kinda emo and fed-up with the system. who doesn't? speaking of which, i rem me and lynn having experiences with firms only hiring ppl from "prestigious" schools. hrump. i didn't know you need to be "branded" to work as a temp. how dumb is that.
owels. some times it gets so unfair that i thought, to hell with it. don't care so much already. just do my best and let God do the rest ((: i bet marc's level of stress is increasing each day. hah. no worries brudder, you'll do well!! after him, it'll be my turn. urgh!!
Actually, i know there's nothing to worry about now, papers over, marked and probably on the way back to this country. but damn. who doesn't worry? that kind of worry ain't comparable to worrying if you'll pass a class test or a sch exam. it's totally INCOMPARABLE! and i thot O's was scary. this is like double the fear. triple maybe!
don't ask me the "what ifs" questions. because they DON'T exist. they SHOULDN'T exist. and they WON'T happen! damn damn damn. i'm kinda dreading that day. i guess many of us are. urgh. that fear that grips me so tightly is tormenting. people in office tells me i'll do well, so don't worrie because i look like a bookworm. hah. i look like a bookworm? don't think so ((: but i definitely hope what that uncle in office said bout me getting good results is true. ah. i'm praying really hard. pls be over soon. get over and done with. seriously. all i hope is a place in uni. as simple as that.
now, my only prayer is that God will help me get pass this hurdle in life and then most of the big hurdles will be over. PLEASE!!!
