Saturday, November 17, 2007
it is unpredictable matters that made me question God's presence. i know it's wrong for me to doubt his holy presence but sometimes, that bit of faith i'm holding onto isn't enough to give me all that strength i need. especially in times of difficulty, like now.
even though i'm seldom at home, but whenever something happens at home/even to my extended family members, i'd be very affected by it. family's very important to me. that's why i'd always try to spend as much time as i can with my family. but time doesnt permit me to do so for my extended family members. and it is during such times when trials strike that made me regret not showing that extra bit of concern to my extended family.
went to the hospital just now. my cousin got into an explosion accident 2 days ago. i do not know whether he's just plain unlucky or what but, i'm seriously damn affected by what i saw and heard at the hospital today. apparently, a gas cylinder exploded and some "stuff" hit the wall, re-bounced and hit my cousin's head, resulting in the bursting of his brain's nerve. what puzzled me was that, there were 2 other persons around. but why didnt they get hit too!?! the sight of my cousin lying still-less on the bed, with all the different medical equipments attached onto him, the needles poked into his skin....it's just too much to bear. too heartbreaking. aunt said that his brain isn't functioning now. questions of whether he'll become a vegetable came into my mind and bombarded my entire mind with negative thoughts. the doctors couldn't even give us a confirmed answer as to when he'll regain conscious, and the worst, they can't even conclude for sure if he has sinked into coma state or he's just unconscious. i know that the doctors are put into a difficult position when it comes to matters of life and death, but hey, can you please give us some hope? that bit of hope that my cousin will regain conscious soon is what me and my family is holding onto..it's not enough. definitely not enough to hold us up for long, especially my aunt and my uncle. seeing them today made me realized how much they have aged. their worry for their son is evident on their faces, that heartbroken expression when they looked at their son from the window plane that separates them from him. i know i'd probably not be able to fully comprehend their worry for their son, for he is someone whom they spent 30 years bringing up with their own sweat and blood and now, all they see is him lying on the bed, supported by tubes and needles. i hate hospitals, (except maybe the maternity wards). today's a sad day for me. seeing my mom's heartbroken face as she looked at his nephew, tears flowing down. and my aunt's. my uncle's. my other cousins. being the younger one over there, all i can do is to look upon my cousin, holding back my tears, silently uttering prayers for him. the sight is simply too much to take, too heart-wrenching..and it breaks my heart to see my loved ones helpless, waiting to hear some good news, holding on tightly to that bit of hope, waiting for that moment when he regain his conscious...
yes, i know life's unpredictable. but why? why must such things happened? mom said that his company has sent people on 24hrs watch to monitor his situation, but what's the use? all the harm has been caused. can we revert time and return to before all these has happened? no! so what's the point of expressing your apologies now? can't you monitor your employees better? can't you take extra precaution? do you not know that such incidents is bound to happen under such working conditions? why? why must my cousin be that unlucky one? he's barely 30 hello! i can't help but feel helpless during such times. that cousin who used to play with me when i'm younger. that cousin who never fails to crack me up with his humor. even though as we grew older, we drifted apart but he's still my cousin. that very cousin lying in hospital now...
it has been an emotional post, i know. but it's just too much for me because sometimes, i'd rather be the one who's hurt than see my loved ones get hurt. but i guess all i can do now is to pray and hold on tight to that piece of faith...
"God, please put your healing hands on him. please show us your very presence. we do not want to lose him...PLEASE..."
silently I(we) pray...
