Wednesday, May 28, 2008
just got home awhile ago.
something terrible happened today.
by right, i shouldn't blog about this. and i hate showing my vulnerable side.
but i seriously need somewhere to let it all out.
Mom fell and hurt her head. blood and all.
i only got to see her in the evening. and seeing her, makes me overwhelmed with emotions.
part of me blame myself for not being more mindful of mom. all i cared this morning was rushing to prepare for work, leaving the house not even knowing that mom's sick.
with no one at home, the accident happened.
although mom's better now, i can tell that she's feeling weak. not only is she physically weak, she's also emotionally unstable. i guess all mothers are the same. worrying about the family, worrying about everything. our breakfast, who's gonna wash the laundry, who's gonna wake us up. with mom being a workaholic since young, she freaked out when she knew that she had to stay in for at least 5 days for observation. all along i didn't understand why patients hated so much to stay in the hospital. today, the look on mom's face told me why.
and all along, the pampered me never did realized that without mom, i'm handicapped. from young till now, either mom or the maid took care of everything. from waking me up in the morning, to washing my laundry and preparing my meals. never once was there a need for me to do all these myself. and today, i hit me hard. after coming home, i started collecting the laundry, boiling water etc etc. being a first timer, i realized how hard and tiring each task was. and mom did everything. from the time she was working till now, and she did it very well. i really think she's a wonderwoman!
seeing my beloved mom, someone i've been taking for granted all my life, lying on the hospital bed, weak and worried, it breaks my heart. she's so pessimistic, the whole time she just keep thinking and worrying over the family's well-being, and being the pillar of support for her now, we had to pretend to be optimistic so that she is assured that everything will be fine. yet on the other hand, my heart pains to see her like that. it's really agonizing that i felt like crying. but no, i had to be strong. now i truly understand why pam said that coping psychologically and emotionally is much harder. it's really hard and i'm trying to hang out.
with work piling up, stress building up and pam's on leave for a week from monday, tgt with mom's admittance to the hospital, i feel tremendous stress. despite having to cope physically and the tiredness, emotionally i know, will also affect me most. now, i just have to pray and pray and pray. i know mom will be fine with God around.
Phil 4:6,7
Be careful of nothing; but in every thing by prayer ans supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
i'm so tired now, but i can't fall asleep. i just can't help worrying bout mom...
maybe what i need now is a pair of arms of me to seek comfort in. very useless me.
