talking about a topic i dont want to bring up affects me greatly. it's escapism i know. it's stubbornness. it's stupidity. but i thought that leaving things as it is, and let time heal all wounds, would be the best solution to deal with things. i thought i could let go. i want to let go. but it's very tiring to be the only one who's trying. i'm not refusing to try but i tried and i ended up, hurt.
it's even more demoralizing to know that no one seemed to understand. but i dont blame anyone but myself. why am i so stubborn? why am i so persistent? why can't i express what i want to say? why can't i let it all out. it's too tiring. so tiring.
my thoughts are ruined now. and i know, i'm in such a state because i deserved it.
i am going to put an end to this. soon. i hope. or at least, lets not bring it up again. leave things as it is.
how i wish things go back to 5 years ago, when everything that happened didnt happen. but i know it's impossible.
